It's Been Three Weeks...

Tomorrow Lily Ana will be three weeks old, and yes, we are extremely sleep-deprived! We are falling more and more in love with her everyday, and her big sister is so sweet to her.

Em was explaining to me why she likes the show "3, 2, 1 Penguins," and we began discussing that the two human characters are twins. She wanted to know what twins were, and I explained that they were brothers or sisters who were in their mommy's tummy at the same time. She got a big smile and said, "I was in a birthmom's tummy and so was Lily Ana!" I realized what a connection the two of them will have because they were both "in a birthmom's tummy!" God is good!

Remember...

It has happened! God has added another baby girl to our family! Lily Ana Faith was born on Thursday, and we were able to bring her home on Saturday! What an amazing day it was--full of raw emotion to say the least. We met Lily Ana's birthmom only twice before the day she so selflessly placed her tiny, helpless little body in our arms and hearts. On that day we experienced joy & sadness; exhilaration & heartache; and most of all love. And what a day it was!

With Lily Ana's placement in our home, I've been much more aware of the ignorance of people when it comes to adoption. I don't mean that in a callous way, but in the way that ignorance is simply "not knowing" about something. Several people have said to me, "I just don't know how anyone could GIVE this baby away!" I've just looked at them in disbelief. If only they could have been there. If only they could have seen the red, swollen eyes of a sweet young lady who'd been crying for hours before and will continue to cry for hours, days, months, and even years after placement. If only they could have seen the tear stains on Lily Ana's blanket--the blanket that her birthmom chose for her and slept with so that she would continue to know her smell when she came home with us. If only...

The choice was not one to give this baby AWAY, but instead it was to give this baby MORE. Lily Ana's birthmom prayed over her decision for months. She agonized over profiles of families and didn't find the one she was looking for. While she was praying, we were also praying. We prayed daily for God to give us THE baby He wanted us to have, not just any baby, but THE baby. And as the Holy Spirit so perfectly does, He laid it on the hearts of the sweet, wise ladies at New Life to show this birthmom one more profile--ours. And then there was peace. She knew. We knew. He knew.

And now here we are, still filled with so many emotions. Ours is joy and excitement and happiness, and Lily Ana's birthmom is still filled with so many emotions too. I pray that she is experiencing peace about her decision, but she is certainly still feeling sorrow and grief and misery. I know many of you have sent us messages of congratulations, and I know that many of you will do that once you read this. Thank you for that, and thank you for praying for us as we've walked this portion of our journey.

I have one request of you however. Remember the love felt on the day we brought Lily Ana home? It was the love of an adoptive family for the sweet birthmom placing her baby in their arms and for the new baby being welcomed into their hearts. But most of all, it was the love of a birthmom for the precious baby girl she carried in her womb. And with that love comes so much pain, so much heartache, so much grief. Remember her. Remember her selflessness. And remember to pray for her.

Feels Like...

Well, it feels like a lot of things right about now--the first being that it feels like I haven't blogged in quite a while! It's not for having nothing to write about, it's just that we've been so busy with all that summer brings! My sweet friend Erin motivated me to get writing though! I don't know if it was so much what she said, although it was very sweet, or just that I know at least ONE person reads this, but either way, I'm ready to write!

It also feels like I've accomplished a thing or two! I've painted the living room, entry way, and two small hallways Behr Gobi Desert thanks to help from Bryan and my dad, and I've painted all of the pulls on the doors and drawers in the bathroom and kitchen so that they are no longer an old, tarnished-looking brass! They are now a Rustoleum Hammered Finish Brown, and they do look great! I still have some door knobs throughout the house to go, but I'm pretty excited about how they are turning out! I've also done a little scrapbooking. I am officially now only one year behind! I just finished scrapbooking our trip to the Frio River last summer on the Fourth of July. It could be worse, right?

Despite the heat making it feel like it's 120 degrees outside, it feels like summer for other reasons too! We got to take a little trip to San Antonio for a few days and spent some time at Sea World. Emma Leigh loved it! She is at a really good age for enjoying the rides and the shows. She rode her first roller coaster and got to feed a dolphin! God was so gracious in so many ways on our trip! Bryan took care of all of our reservations and tickets, and he bought us each a Fun Pass so we can visit as many times as we want until the end of the year. As we paid our $15 for parking the first evening we were there, the attendant suggested we upgrade just one of our tickets to a Season Pass, so that we would not have to pay parking each time we visit. When we upgraded, they gave us our $15 back in the form of a voucher, a book of coupons to use in the park, and a cool Sea World refillable cup! The only souvenir Em wanted was a dolphin that only cost us $4.99 because of the voucher, and we were able to fill the cup we got with ice water for FREE! And then there was the little "Hedge of Protection" He provided when about four vehicles were broken into at our hotel, one nearly stolen outside our window, and our truck was not one of them! God was so good to us!

My sister Amy just had her first precious baby girl, so I'm feeling like a new aunt these days! I helped her decorate the nursery, and it turned out so pretty! We made these cute canvases to hang on one wall of the nursery, and we painted letters and flowers for two other walls. Briley Mischelle arrived Tuesday weighing only 6 lbs., 8 oz. I saw her today, and she's down to 6 lbs.!! She's so tiny, but she's so perfect!


I've always loved taking pictures, and I feel like I have a feel for some creativity with photography. Amy let me take belly shots of her, and of course I have a great little model that lives with me! It's been fun experimenting with my camera, and I've captured some pretty awesome moments!

And then there's the feeling that prompted me to begin writing this post a few weeks back. The whole "Feels Like..." title comes from the Michael English song, "Feels Like Redemption." My very first blog post, written almost a year ago, ended with these words...

"I find myself, at this point in my life though, needing a reminder from God about delighting myself. I'm busy being a wife, mother, daughter, sister, granddaughter, and teacher. My time is consumed with things far from the things God showed me meant "delighting." So my prayer is that this blog not only allows me to share my life experiences with others, but that it will help me to remember to give Him my all!"

My life had become so consumed with doing and being and living that my relationship with the Lord had become hazy. At another point in my life, I'd been in the same place. I taught at a school where gossip, malice, and bitterness were a part of the norm on my team. I fell into a pattern of gossiping myself and hated going to work everyday. The end result, after months of back-stabbing and placing blame, was a huge argument with someone who I thought had been one of my best friends. I was deeply hurt and did not return to teaching at that school the following year. I have carried with me hurt and anger and have allowed that argument to define who I am. My deepest regret of all from the situation was that I had tarnished my Christian witness to people there.

When I began using Facebook, I searched regularly for my friend who I'd had the argument with, but I could never find her. Several weeks ago, I found her through another friend's profile! I excitedly sent her a friend request, and she quickly replied with a message saying, "I hope you know that I think highly of you. I have few regrets in life, but our argument is one of them." I almost cried, not from sadness, but from relief. I had not mentioned the disagreement we'd had out of fear, but the Lord had taken what could have been a terrible situation and reopened a door for me to show what He has done in my life during the past three years. I'm so thankful for forgiveness, for redemption, and for grace! What an amazing God we serve!

Summertime

Every time I write the word summertime, all I can think of is Country Time Lemonade! I enjoy summer not just because I don't have to get up early each day, but because of the time that I have to spend doing whatever I want or need to do. Usually I have a list in my head--or written down--of things I want to accomplish over the summer. And it usually takes me about three weeks to wind down, get settled into a summer schedule, and begin accomplishing my to-do list. By that time I'm busy directing our church's Vacation Bible School and before I know it July is over! As we all know school starts in August, so that doesn't leave me much time to check things off of my list. I usually end the summer feeling a real sense of disappointment in myself and the things left undone.

Last week, after I finished up at school on Monday, Emma Leigh and I got to spend the whole week together. We ate lunch with Bryan one day. We spent another day with my sisters and nieces. Another day we just stayed home and cleaned house at a nice, slow pace. It was so refreshing to not be on any particular schedule and to get to spend so much time with Em. This weekend though, I started making my summertime list of things to do in my head, and I began feeling that sense of disappointment already!

I was feeling sorry for myself because I don't always get everything done that I'd like to. Since Bryan is a teacher too, he's off with Em and me during the summer. This sometimes puts quite a crimp in my plans! We enjoy doing things together, but our schedules don't always mesh! And I end up feeling miserable because I don't get to do what I want. (Sounds a little childish now that it's in writing!)

So today, we got up and went to work-out at 8:00 a.m. despite the whiny "I don't want to" coming from Emma Leigh. My sister met us there, and she and I got to work out and talk together. It was very refreshing! Afterward Bryan, Em, and myself ran errands together, and then came home for our first official summertime lunch together! That too was refreshing! On the way home I thought to myself, "Maybe this summer is going to turn out to be more productive than I had first imagined!"

On my to-do list is purchasing a new camera; taking lots of pictures with my new camera; painting all of the hardware in my bathrooms and kitchen; getting caught up on my scrapbooking; cleaning closets; and painting the living room. I bought the camera today and have painted the pulls on my bathroom cabinets and drawers! I'm off to a good start already!

I want to wake up every morning this summer saying, "This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!" I want to experience joy rather than defeat! I want to be able to enjoy every moment rather than dreading the end of summertime! And I just might drink some of that Country Time Lemonade as I sit and relax!

In the Waiting, He's in Control

To say the last month has been a busy one would be putting things too lightly! And that would not begin to scratch the surface of the roller coaster ride that it seems our family has ridden! For several weeks I've wanted to write my feelings and thoughts here, but I just couldn't find the right words. It took an overnight field trip with my fourth graders to make me finally realize what God has been trying to say to me in the midst of all that has happened.

Many of you know our story. You know that God allowed us to adopt a tiny baby girl who has grown into a smart, funny, beautiful preschooler. Many of you also know that nearly a year ago we began the journey toward adopting a second child. We have felt such peace in knowing that God already has another birthmother and baby picked out for us and that in His perfect time He will allow our families to unite. In fact, we were chosen by a sweet little birthmom named Frances, but after the birth of her tiny little baby boy, she chose to parent him. We were of course a little saddened, but in a sense we were relieved. I had begun to worry about timing and issues with this baby's birthfather, and so I actually felt peace when Frances chose to nurture this little life. Since then, our agency has shown our profile to two other birthmoms, and we know that God's time is perfect.

The past month has also brought about uncertainty in more areas than our family. My job has been a source of great concern for me too. Teaching at a private school does not come with the stability of teaching in the public school system. I've spent countless days worrying over whether or not I will actually have a job next school year. I know that getting a teaching position elsewhere would not be difficult, but I love where I am. God has allowed me to teach in a setting where I have had the privilege of leading two students to Christ, and Emma Leigh is able to attend school there where she is learning so many wonderful things. So I've been thinking about other career choices. I love taking pictures. Could I do something with photography? I love scrapbooking. Could I help people with their albums? I enjoy organizing and planning. Is there something there? But again, I know that God is in control, and that He has a plan for my career and family.

I've also watched more than one marriage begin to crumble. I have several friends who have been struggling with their marital relationships, and it has broken my heart to see what they are encountering. Seeing families close to me being ripped apart by Satan's schemes causes me to feel angry and immensely saddened. God's plan is for families to serve Him and honor Him, but once again I know that God has all things in His control.

And then I went on this field trip with my class. I received a generous grant that allowed us to take the trip, so I have spent months planning, not wanting to spend more money than we were given. But things began going wrong from the very beginning. We arrived in Austin an hour later than planned; our lunch spot could not accommodate us; and then there was the hotel! Upon arrival, we were told that we would be expected to pay state and city taxes, an expense we were not supposed to pay, and that the water would be off for about an hour as it was being maintained. In addition, the abrupt young lady who was assisting me told me that they no longer serve free breakfast because their status had been updated to a "full" hotel.

The next day, our bus battery was dead when we attempted to start it. The small museum we were to tour could not accommodate us at the time we had planned due to being double booked by larger groups, and a minor mishap with parallel parking our bus resulted in a mirror being ripped from a charter bus. My thoughts were, "What more could go wrong?"

On the way home, I prayed, "God what do you want to show me in all of this?" As I drove, I began singing quietly and trying to clear my mind. I began to realize that God was showing me that He is in control. You see, through a failed placement, uncertainty in my job, and faltering marriages, I have known that God was in control, but in each of these situations there is nothing I can do to change things. On this trip though, I was in control. I was in charge. I had done the planning. I had made the reservations. It was about what I had done. God showed me that despite all of my planning, He was still in control.

So now, I'm back to waiting. Waiting to see what's next. Waiting to see what God has in store. No more of me trying to do it, but rather giving Him control.

The Greatest Gift of All

So I have a friend who is going through a really tough time. She is struggling with some health issues and is discouraged because she simply physically can't do the things she wants and should be able to do. She and her family have just bought their first home, and she wants to be doing so many things to make it theirs. But she just can't...

Last night as I lay awake in bed to the sounds of a screaming child with an earache, I began praying. "Lord, please ease Em's discomfort so that we can all get to sleep!" I prayed. Then my thoughts turned to this friend. I had sent her an e-mail yesterday telling her that I would pray for her to be encouraged in the midst of her trials. In my e-mail I also reminded her that God loves her and has a plan for her.

As I lay there, I prayed, "God please do a miracle in her life. Bring healing to her so that she will see how much you love her." Immediately I felt God say to me, "I've already done something to show her how much I love her, and it was really big! This big..." and I envisioned Jesus spreading his arms out wide on a cross.

Talk about humbling! My tiny brain was praying for something physical to be done, and God reminded me that the physical is just temporary. He has plans that are eternal. And isn't that what today is all about--celebrating that Emmanuel lived, died, and then rose from the dead? God loved us so much that He sent His only son--royalty as He was--to be born to a poor carpenter in a stable; to live on a filthy, sinful earth; to die a sinner's death in the most horrible way imaginable; as a substitute for us...

He loved us this much...

My Child Has a Gift

We all know our kids are special. We brag on them. We tell people how smart they are, what great artists they are, how well-behaved they are. You get the point.

And yes, my daughter is a very smart 4 1/2 year old. And yes, she is an amazing little artist! And yes, MOST of the time she's behaving herself. But...Her true gift?


I know it's probably wrong on several levels, but I love it when she plays with my hair! She's also a great back-scratcher!