In the Waiting, He's in Control

To say the last month has been a busy one would be putting things too lightly! And that would not begin to scratch the surface of the roller coaster ride that it seems our family has ridden! For several weeks I've wanted to write my feelings and thoughts here, but I just couldn't find the right words. It took an overnight field trip with my fourth graders to make me finally realize what God has been trying to say to me in the midst of all that has happened.

Many of you know our story. You know that God allowed us to adopt a tiny baby girl who has grown into a smart, funny, beautiful preschooler. Many of you also know that nearly a year ago we began the journey toward adopting a second child. We have felt such peace in knowing that God already has another birthmother and baby picked out for us and that in His perfect time He will allow our families to unite. In fact, we were chosen by a sweet little birthmom named Frances, but after the birth of her tiny little baby boy, she chose to parent him. We were of course a little saddened, but in a sense we were relieved. I had begun to worry about timing and issues with this baby's birthfather, and so I actually felt peace when Frances chose to nurture this little life. Since then, our agency has shown our profile to two other birthmoms, and we know that God's time is perfect.

The past month has also brought about uncertainty in more areas than our family. My job has been a source of great concern for me too. Teaching at a private school does not come with the stability of teaching in the public school system. I've spent countless days worrying over whether or not I will actually have a job next school year. I know that getting a teaching position elsewhere would not be difficult, but I love where I am. God has allowed me to teach in a setting where I have had the privilege of leading two students to Christ, and Emma Leigh is able to attend school there where she is learning so many wonderful things. So I've been thinking about other career choices. I love taking pictures. Could I do something with photography? I love scrapbooking. Could I help people with their albums? I enjoy organizing and planning. Is there something there? But again, I know that God is in control, and that He has a plan for my career and family.

I've also watched more than one marriage begin to crumble. I have several friends who have been struggling with their marital relationships, and it has broken my heart to see what they are encountering. Seeing families close to me being ripped apart by Satan's schemes causes me to feel angry and immensely saddened. God's plan is for families to serve Him and honor Him, but once again I know that God has all things in His control.

And then I went on this field trip with my class. I received a generous grant that allowed us to take the trip, so I have spent months planning, not wanting to spend more money than we were given. But things began going wrong from the very beginning. We arrived in Austin an hour later than planned; our lunch spot could not accommodate us; and then there was the hotel! Upon arrival, we were told that we would be expected to pay state and city taxes, an expense we were not supposed to pay, and that the water would be off for about an hour as it was being maintained. In addition, the abrupt young lady who was assisting me told me that they no longer serve free breakfast because their status had been updated to a "full" hotel.

The next day, our bus battery was dead when we attempted to start it. The small museum we were to tour could not accommodate us at the time we had planned due to being double booked by larger groups, and a minor mishap with parallel parking our bus resulted in a mirror being ripped from a charter bus. My thoughts were, "What more could go wrong?"

On the way home, I prayed, "God what do you want to show me in all of this?" As I drove, I began singing quietly and trying to clear my mind. I began to realize that God was showing me that He is in control. You see, through a failed placement, uncertainty in my job, and faltering marriages, I have known that God was in control, but in each of these situations there is nothing I can do to change things. On this trip though, I was in control. I was in charge. I had done the planning. I had made the reservations. It was about what I had done. God showed me that despite all of my planning, He was still in control.

So now, I'm back to waiting. Waiting to see what's next. Waiting to see what God has in store. No more of me trying to do it, but rather giving Him control.

The Greatest Gift of All

So I have a friend who is going through a really tough time. She is struggling with some health issues and is discouraged because she simply physically can't do the things she wants and should be able to do. She and her family have just bought their first home, and she wants to be doing so many things to make it theirs. But she just can't...

Last night as I lay awake in bed to the sounds of a screaming child with an earache, I began praying. "Lord, please ease Em's discomfort so that we can all get to sleep!" I prayed. Then my thoughts turned to this friend. I had sent her an e-mail yesterday telling her that I would pray for her to be encouraged in the midst of her trials. In my e-mail I also reminded her that God loves her and has a plan for her.

As I lay there, I prayed, "God please do a miracle in her life. Bring healing to her so that she will see how much you love her." Immediately I felt God say to me, "I've already done something to show her how much I love her, and it was really big! This big..." and I envisioned Jesus spreading his arms out wide on a cross.

Talk about humbling! My tiny brain was praying for something physical to be done, and God reminded me that the physical is just temporary. He has plans that are eternal. And isn't that what today is all about--celebrating that Emmanuel lived, died, and then rose from the dead? God loved us so much that He sent His only son--royalty as He was--to be born to a poor carpenter in a stable; to live on a filthy, sinful earth; to die a sinner's death in the most horrible way imaginable; as a substitute for us...

He loved us this much...

My Child Has a Gift

We all know our kids are special. We brag on them. We tell people how smart they are, what great artists they are, how well-behaved they are. You get the point.

And yes, my daughter is a very smart 4 1/2 year old. And yes, she is an amazing little artist! And yes, MOST of the time she's behaving herself. But...Her true gift?


I know it's probably wrong on several levels, but I love it when she plays with my hair! She's also a great back-scratcher!

Sowin' Seeds and Sunshine

My dad always has a beautiful garden. He has for as long as I can remember. I love that my dad is a gardener. My grandparents always were too--until they got to where they weren't physically able to put in all the hard work a garden requires. Now that Daddy is retired, he is able to devote more time to his garden and has even planted potatoes at Grandma and Grandpa's house in addition to his own garden.


This year, my dad decided to till a small spot of soil for the grandkids to plant their own garden. Cason, Cali, and Kenli stayed with Gigi and Papa yesterday and got to plant their rows. Em and I went out today, and she got to plant hers. She planted beans, radishes, pumpkins, and carrots. She was very cute squatting beside my dad and dropping her seeds into place.


Then she got to help in the big garden! Dad tilled two rows, Em following right beside him until we realized she was walking in a row of tomato plants! She had a really good time, and I'm so glad that my dad is teaching her about gardening and sowing more than just vegetable seeds in her life. I'm thankful that my parents sowed seeds in my life too--seeds of time, love, faith, I could go on and on. I love you Mom and Dad!

Compassion International

Bryan and I used to sponsor a child from Rwanda through Compassion International. We couldn't pronounce his name, so we just called him Tim. We inherited him when the children's department and then the youth department at the church where we were ministering decided they could no longer pay the $21 each month to continue supporting him. There came a time when we were both in college and working multiple part-time jobs that we too had to discontinue our support of Tim.

Whenever I read about Compassion projects, I think of little Tim and wonder how he is now. I wonder about his family and the project there in Rwanda. I know this region of Africa has seen some extremely violent times, and I wonder if he is even alive.

I've written before about my friend Cindy and her daughter Jenn. Cindy is a precious woman of God who has such a heart for service. She and her husband have three sons and two daughters who also actively serve the Lord. Her son Chris pastors Ecclesia, and her son Brian actually works for Compassion International and recently adopted two children from Ethiopia. Her son Rob is a Christian recording artist--a.k.a Robbie Seay Band. Their two daughters are Jenn and Jess.

I say all of that to say, take a look at Jenn's blog. She and some friends are organizing an event in College Station that I think is really neat. She introduces it here, and she tells more about it here. I know some of you that read this are runners, so here's your chance to put that "talent" to work for something good. Maybe some of us need to get together to do the walk. Let me know what you think!

Whatever Happened to Mr. Rogers?

Saturday morning, Emma Leigh got out of bed before me, as usual! She usually watches some television while I sleep a few more minutes and Bryan eats breakfast. The normal Saturday morning shows are bizarre to say the least. She likes one with robots and another with dinosaurs--I think. We don't have cable or satellite, so her choices are pretty limited.

On school days, she watches PBS Kids in the morning while we get ready for school. Her favorites are "Martha Speaks" and "Curious George," but she also really likes "Sid the Science Kid" and "Dragon Tales." I like these shows, and they all teach valuable lessons whether they are educational or moral. But I've always thought there was just something missing from them.

And then I saw my old friend Mr. Rogers! This past Saturday I focused my sleepy eyes on the television as I warmed my bagel, and there was Lady Aberline! She was standing at King Friday's castle! Emma Leigh squealed, "Look Mommy! It's a castle like I learned about at school!" I told her all about how I used to watch Mr. Rogers when I was a little girl.

After the trip to Make-Believe Mr. Rogers had a puppet of Mr. McFeely and soon he was singing, "I'll be back when the day is new, and I'll have more ideas for you; And you'll have things to talk about. I will too. Good-bye Neighbor." This reminded me of how Mr. Rogers taught me to use my imagination.

It made me a little sad that Emma Leigh isn't getting to watch shows like this. Even though she watches very educational shows, there's just something about Mr. Rogers and his willingness to share the truth with kids. I did a search for him on Wikipedia, and I discovered that he was somewhat of a controversial figure. He wasn't afraid to tackle big issues like war and divorce. That's what made him real to me!

I hope Em gets the chance to watch him again soon. Watching him made me proud to have learned so much from him. He truly was a Godly man!

Ike Isn't Gone

This week, I attended the ACSI Conference in Galveston with many of the wonderful teachers from my school. I was excited about the opportunity I'd have to see how Galveston is rebuilding after Hurricane Ike. Today was the first day I was outside the Moody Gardens facilities during the daytime, and I was able to see the damage first-hand.

Although it's been nearly 5 months since Ike's landfall, Galveston is still recovering and rebuilding. Most of the shops and restaurants in the Strand district are still closed. Many, many homes, hotels, and condos still have blue tarps on their roofs. Plywood still covers the windows and holes left from the high winds that Ike brought. P.O.D.S and FEMA trailers sit in driveways and front yards of homes being completely gutted and remodeled.


The most eerie sight by far was the Flagship Hotel. A large hotel--and prominent Galveston landmark--that once stood supported by large concrete pillars out over the raging ocean waves, now sits separated from the mainland by demolished driveway entrance and exit ramps. A gaping hole in one end of the hotel reveals damaged rooms. Broken windows give crumpled curtains an escape to billow in the ocean breeze. A bed can be seen through one window, and the empty room in which it sits waits for guests that will never again arrive.



I took pictures but felt that I was invading the privacy and dignity of the people of Galveston. I want to post them to serve as a reminder of the work left to do in Galveston and of the beauty of a place that many seem to have forgotten. God has not forgotten, and I hope that I will not forget to pray for these people as they rebuild their homes, businesses, and lives.